prezidentiale

eu nu sunt un cetatean responsabil; nu sunt f sigura nici macar ca sunt un cetatean….eu nu am nici o parere. sau da, am o parere, poate am chiar mai multe, dar aleg sa nu mi le fac publice. reneg datoria civica. reneg societatea asta careia nici macar nu-i apartin. eu nu-s a ei, nu-s a lor, nu-s a nimanui. nu-s nici a mea. desfid aceste conventii care nici macar iluzia functionarii nu o mai pastreaza. daca as vrea sa apartin cumva, as alege sa apartin cuiva. pentru ca asta mi se pare cea mai frumoasa forma de interactiune.

once again, it seems as if time wasn’t moving, but standing still. the seconds don’t hurry, but crawl. or maybe i’m trapped in a bubble, and my life remains frozen while everybody else keeps going. detached.

poveste naiva

(please click ‘like’ on the photo)

insula era caraghios de mica. de fapt, nici nu era o insula, ii spusese el, ci un atol. ‘- hm, i can’t quite see the difference, she had replied. aren’t we on a piece of land, surrounded from all parts by this great topaz called sea?’ Curiozitatea insa ii era mare; si pana la urma, nu era asta unul din lucrurile pe care le iubea atat de mult la el? faptul ca stia asa multe, si era dispus sa i le explice si ei. o fascina. putea sa stea ore in sir in bratele lui, ascultandu-l vorbind despre orice, de la arta de a face fotografia perfecta pana la astronomie,  masinarii complicate, procese de fabricare, sisteme politice. Nu ii spusese niciodata, insa o fermeca vocea lui, siguranta cu care isi expunea ideile, claritatea lor, si o magulea faptul ca EL o considera demna de a-i fi partener de discutie, si isi gasea timpul si rabdarea necesare pt a-i explica ei totul.

Asa ca si de data asta, ca intotdeauna, intreba cu glasul de fetita nestiutoare: ‘- dar ce e un atol, dragul meu? de ce e diferit de o insula?’ Si astfel afla ca acvariul ei, asa cum numise din prima clipa ochiul de apa inconjurat de palmieri, era o laguna; si ca in asta consta diferenta dintre insula si atol. Facu ochii mari, zambi si spuse; ‘- si totusi, laguna poate in continuare sa fie acvariul meu? uite ce frumos se vad pestisorii inotand printre corali…’

bungalowul pe care il ocupau ei, o constructie rustica din lemn usor, isi deschidea terasa spre plaja. Acolo, leganandu-se in hamac, stateau si in seara asta. Soarele apusese de putin timp, stralucirea sa rosie se risipise, si acum mai era o urma de lumina albicioasa care scanteia pe apa; insulele din jur erau deja prinse in umbra. De undeva din vecini se strecura in surdina ritmul unei melodii; cuvintele se pierdeau pe apa.

era vacanta perfecta, cea pe care nici macar nu avusese curajul sa si-o imagineze vreodata. era oare acest lung sir de intamplari fericite viata ei? si, mai important, va continua in acelasi fel? dar….de ce sa se gandeasca acum la asa ceva? asa ca sorbi o gura din cocktailul de fructe exotice si se ghemui mai aproape de el, prea fericita pentru altceva.

 

 

ninge

afara ninge. (me – speechless, timeless yet time is running out on me)

iar m-am trezit devreme si mi-am inceput ziua tarziu… ce-i nou?!

i miss YOU. do you miss me sometimes too?

Strawberry fields

Dreams Journal part 3

Am spus cumva ca mai rau nu se poate?? Mda, mare eroare….din pacate mi-a fost aruncata in ochi chiar azi-noapte. In ochii larg deschisi, pentru marea majoritate a timpului.

Sfat catre mine insami: oricat de bine te intelegi seara cu Alex, oricat de greu e sa-l trezesti dupa ce a adormit la film, nu-l mai lasa sa doarma la tine!!!! Sforaie, vorbeste in somn (stiu ca si eu, dar macar eu nu ma aud) si ocupa spatiu vital: adio dormit in diagonala!

Bineinteles, printre nesfarsitele ore de nervi si nesomn, cum inchideam ochii incepea povestea. De data asta, am pilotat un avion, si l-am aterizat in urbea natala, mai precis fix in gardul vecinei Angelescu…(bine ca era mic, de doar 2 persoane, si nu i-a ras casa si gradina pana sa se opreasca…).

Si deja stiam ca mi-e dor de colegii mei; probabil asta e motivul pentru care ii visez in mod recurent (nu pe toti, din fericire – n-as fi putut suporta asemenea ‘bucurie’)

The continuous breakdown

And it never ends. Last night, I woke up terrified because in HER house was a strange old lady, sleeping.(for a moment I hoped absurdly it was her, and I wold see her and get to tell her how much I miss her)

And as if that wasn’t enough, the night’s main theme was…animals. First it was a bear, a terrifing one according to some ranger in my dream; yet all I could see was a starving small animal that looked like a stray dog. Then, I kicked a cat out of the house, as if it was a soccer ball; it seemed to follow a nice long curved path till the point of hope not final impact. Some time to the morning, I found an injured dog in the closet, and I washed and bound the poor soul…and it was so so thirsty!!!

And…what do you know?! It’s night again…time for sleep, and probably more twisted dreams…

Really, I’m starting to consider giving up sleep….it’s overrated anyway!

Do we even need to dream?

So…here it is: my bed has a kind of feng-shui of its own. And a young one too: not more than a week old, exactly since I moved the furniture around the bedroom. But what a week! I started thinking it was the north-west wind that blew them in. The dreams, I mean. Cause this is the way my special feng-shui manifests. No yin-yang equilibrium, no kama sutra (although sometimes I wished it so badly it almost materialized in front of me), just…weird dreams. Lots and lots of them. Like it was ment to compensate for the previous months of blank nights, all in one week. So now I’m just sitting here, in my bed, wondering what else will I be doing in the next 7 or so hours; will I be at the hospital again? will I be dancing with a misterious stranger in a misterious town? writing a book?watching tv with some blog bloke? I’m at a point where nothing seems impossible anymore…

PS: too bad that my dream-machine is not ready yet, I would have certainly benefit from it…

Independence Day, tomorrow

I’m a self-sufficient bitch…and I’m proud of it!

I could write my name by the age of three
and I don’t need anyone to cut my meat for me.
I’m a big girl now, see my big girl shoes.
It’ll take more than just a breeze to make me

Fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.

But as strong as I seem to think I am my distressing damsel,
She comes out at night when the moon’s filled up and your eyes are
bright, then I think I simply ought to

Fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.
You can catch me.

Oh…unfortunately the last part also applies… But shhhh, I won’t tell if you won’t tell.

Octombrie

Cred ca iubesc toamna. Calma, calda, colorata.